Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
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me + whiskey = a bad person
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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