We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
