I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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