i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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