things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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