I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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