I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
