His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The air taste purple.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
