i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
