If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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