hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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