D3 body, D1 cock
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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