he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
