South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
