and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
