Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
