remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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