Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
