At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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