i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
