Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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