clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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