actually, I'm a sock model
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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