I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
