When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize