I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
