Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
