I heard we made out
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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