imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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