I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He has the fingertips of a God
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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