I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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