Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
