sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
