i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
