Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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