I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
