you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The air taste purple.
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