She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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