no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
