As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
God, I missed his penis.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
