i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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