I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
