dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
