bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
