This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
