6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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