Girls should come with a carfax report
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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