That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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