i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
