jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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