summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
