Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
