In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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