You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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