I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
