no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
