you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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