Don't you send me to vm
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
