yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
