apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
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My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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