You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
