HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Can Purell be used as lube?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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