maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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