Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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