is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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