Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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